Apostrophe usage
This is not Bob’s first attack on apostrophe misuse: the strips Plural’s (55KB GIF) and The World’s (58KB GIF) also point out common misuses.
Bob’s not the only apostrophe-obsessed cartoon character: there’s also Matt Powell’s The Complete Retard’s Guide to the English Language (Matt acknowledges that the positioning of the apostrophe in the title is debatable…). Read this excellent series at Matt’s cartoon page.
There are several textbooks
This page is intended to provide a complete and less angry guide to the apostrophe. I hope not to end it by calling you illiterate morons, like Bob’s Quick Guide does.
Please note that the use of thing’s in the page title and apostrophe’s in the menu is my attempt at humour. Of course, the correct usage is things and apostrophes.
Possessives
Where one or more objects are owned by a subject, that subject usually takes an apostrophe followed by an s.
- Jane’s dog is having Neuticles (tm) fitted in one week’s time.
If the subject is plural, the apostrophe comes after the complete word.
- The boys’ paddling pool needs cleaning. I’ll do it in three weeks’ time.
If the plural subject doesn’t end in an s, one is added after the apostrophe.
- The children’s school is within walking distance.
An easy way to remember the above rules is to reorder the sentence to eliminate the apostrophe: “the possession of the possessor”. For example: “in the time of one week” but “in the time of three weeks”—the apostrophe comes after the possessor.
If the subject is a personal pronoun (him, her, it, you, me, them), no apostrophe is used. Example:
- My car is broken—its cylinder head is cracked.
- The repairman turned up in his van and asked, “Is that yours?”
- “Yes, it is mine“, I replied in my best Devon accent.
The only other situation is when a singular subject ends in s or an s-sound—we add an apostrophe, but do we add an extra s or not? The informal rule is to use whatever is most convenient when spoken.
- Jesus’ ministry lasted just three years.
- My conscience’ naggings prevented me from robbing the bank.
- Les’s house has a red door.
Plurals
Never use an apostrophe to form a plural. As the Quick Guide suggests, it is common opinion that words ending in vowels take an apostrophe when plural. This is wrong.
I have seen “photo’s” recently—it could be argued that this is a contraction of photographs, but only if you write the singular form with the apostrophe also: photo’.
Some such words take -es rather than -s (potato goes to potatoes), but never take an apostrophe. I’ve seen “box’s” and even “bus’es” in the wild…
- potatoes, cats, buses, boxes etc.
Neither is it correct to use an apostrophe with plural abbreviations, which do not even use full-stops (periods) between letters these days.
- CDs, ICBMs, PCs, VCRs etc.
Stan Brown points out (amongst other useful comments on this page) that a possible exception is the plural of a lower-case letter, as in “How many s’s in Mississippi?”.
Contractions
The other place the apostrophe is used is in contractions. There are numerous common contractions, sometimes with little logic or pattern behind them: won’t (will not), haven’t (have not), I’ll (I will), it’s (it is or it has) and the cornucopia of nautical terms: sou’wester (south-wester(ly): a windproof jacket), cat o’ (of) nine tails (a whip) and the legendary fo’c’s’le (forecastle).
Occasionally, the apostrophe appears at the beginning of the word (’cello is short for violoncello), or even at both ends (as in fish ’n’ chips).
…and to help those that can’t spell to find this page, apostraphe.
So there you go—a complete set of rules about apostrophes. No more excuses for getting it wrong, you illiterate morons. Oops…